


it was only a

by louisismysun



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: M/M, brief cameo by ronan and noah, how did they end up like this, they were only supposed to make out, this pairing needs more fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-07 16:16:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10364481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louisismysun/pseuds/louisismysun
Summary: “So… what did you want to talk about?”Adam takes a deep breath, stops his pacing and stands in front of him. He has his head down, looking at his own fidgeting hands. “Do you… uhh…” He swallows and looks straight at Gansey’s eyes. “Do you remember that time we practiced kissing?”





	

**Author's Note:**

> can't believe there are people out there who truly think that adam and gansey haven't kissed at LEAST once in the canon.

He’s putting his things back in his bag, thinking of what to do that afternoon when he feels someone tug at his elbow. Though he knows a lot of people at school, there are very few who are confident enough to touch him so casually. Ronan’s name is halfway out of his mouth when he turns around and comes face to face with Adam Parrish.

Stupid as it is, he can’t help but feel surprised at Adam approaching him. It’s just that usually Adam is rushing out with hardly a word to him the moment class ends; either to get to work, to deal with Cabeswater or to hang out with Blue. And he’s not feeling jealous about that. He’s not. He likes Blue and he definitely likes Adam, so being jealous that the two of them spent a notable amount of time together would make no sense. It would be irrational and, as a rule, Ganseys are rational creatures.

It’s just that he misses the relationship he and Adam had last year. Those days they used to spend entire afternoons wandering around Henrietta, with Adam showing him hidden paths and trails in the Virginia woods while he told stories of his own travels. So many hours passed with the two of them just hanging out, studying, talking and enjoying the unexpected comfort of each other’s company. He misses it because right now especially since he is aware of a distance growing between the two of them. And he’s despairing, trying to figure out how to close some of that distance and get what the two of them had back.

He steals a glance at Adam and takes notice of the slope of his shoulders and the way sunlight hits his sandy hair and turns it almost blond.  Takes note of the bags under his eyes and the way his shirt hangs loose on his body and wishes he knew a way to help that Adam would accept. He wants to take Adam into his arms and tell him that “ _It’s okay. They’re okay. They will be okay._ ” He will do whatever it takes to make them okay again.

The look of nervousness on Adam’s face makes him feel wary. In all the years they’ve spent at Aglionby, Adam had always tried to project an aura of confidence and aloofness while within the school’s walls. Whatever it is that’s going on must be serious enough to make Adam look like this. Alarm shoots through his spine and he grabs Adam by the shoulder, other hand automatically reaching to cup his face. “What’s going on? Adam? Are you okay?”

It’s a testament to how well Adam knows him when he doesn’t bat away Gansey’s hand, just rolls his eyes and covers Gansey’s hand with his own. “I’m okay, Gansey. It’s just… Can I go with you to Monmouth? I want to talk.”

Oh. He feels a little silly for his reaction, but then again, he can’t help it. He values the precious things in his life and Adam’s wellbeing is part of that. Adam’s words register to his brain. He feels a flood of pleasure and relief rush through him. Adam wanting to spend the whole afternoon with him again? He knows he sounds a bit too enthusiastic when he answers but he really doesn’t care.

“Yes! Of course. Do you want to go right now? Come on.”

 

***

 

The walk to Monmouth doesn’t seem to have taken away any of Adam’s nervousness. He had kept silent and every time Gansey looked at him with concern, Adam just shook his head. They walk inside and without talking, they move towards the corner where Gansey’s bed is. He sits down but Adam continues to pace, fingers trailing and eyes darting around. “Where’s the others?”

“Not sure. I think Ronan said something about skateboarding.”

“And Noah?”

“Probably with  Ronan.”

“Oh. Do you think they’ll be gone long?”

“Probably.”

“Right.”

“So… what did you want to talk about?”

Adam takes a deep breath, stops his pacing and stands in front of him. He has his head down, looking at his own fidgeting hands. “Do you… uhh…” He swallows and looks straight at Gansey’s eyes. “Do you remember that time we practiced kissing?”

Gansey feels his world stutter to a stop. This is the last thing he expected Adam to bring up. He can’t stop the rush of memory and it’s like they’re back to last summer, in the middle of a forest, sitting on a rock and kissing. It’s like he can feel Adam’s lips against his own again. Feel the soft push and pull of their lips. Feel the warmth of Adam’s breath and the feel of his hair slipping through his fingers. It’s like he can hear the sound of Adam’s soft moans, the breathless groan that escaped his lips when Gansey bit his lower lip. He remembers the sound of his name leaving Adam’s lips and shivers.

Adam is still waiting on an answer so he tries to push past the heat and low stirring of arousal in order to give an answer. He clears his throat, “I do.” _As if I could forget_ , he wanted to add.

Adam takes a step closer and Gansey’s world narrows into a focus. All he can see right now is Adam getting closer and closer until has to tip his head back to look him in the eye. The air is thick with tension and he wants to ask what’s going on, but the words get stuck in his throat. He hadn’t even noticed that he’s clutching at the edge of his bed until Adam leans down to take his hands and holds them in his.

With Gansey’s hand in his, Adam leans closer and closer until his face is only a couple of inches away from him. Gansey’s eyes fall into Adam’s mouth, watches the way his lips curl as they form a question. “Do you remember how we said it was stupid?”

It’s not a question he is consciously expecting. It’s a stupid question because he does. Of course he does. He remembers how the slow crawl of awkwardness broke the moment and they had pulled away and sat beside each other for a few minutes. He remembers the quiet that followed, the two of them avoiding looking at each other’s eyes and breathing hard. He remembers touching his lips and trying to figure out the emotions wreaking havoc inside him.

He remembers nudging Adam by the shoulder and in a calm voice commenting, “That was…”

“A stupid experiment,” Adam had finished for him. His chest ached at the words, definitely not what he meant to say, but he had agreed. He ignored the heavy, throbbing pain and was prepared to go along with what Adam wanted. And he had truly thought that Adam thought it stupid, until—no longer able to stop himself—Gansey looked at him.

The look on Adam’s face was oddly vulnerable and scared, something that back then he had never seen on him before. His eyes looked at him, pleading, like he was willing Gansey to understand. And he did. He understood the underlying truth that whatever this was, whatever feelings they were now feeling, it was too big, too intense for them to process or understand. Whatever possibility that had opened up with the press of his lips against Adam, they could not pursue. It wasn’t the right time. They were not in the right place.

He debated trying to make Adam talk about it. To make sure that he was on the same page. That his reasons for ignoring this were the same as Gansey’s. In the end, however, he decided against it. It was still too fresh, the memory of it too raw. The evidence of what transpired is still there, on his flushed cheeks, on Adam’s messy hair (messy because he had his hands on it, tugging softly and hearing Adam groan every time he did so), on the way he could still taste Adam on his lips. So with a silent but mutual agreement they had agreed to ignore what happened. They never told anyone. Never spoke of it again.

But now. If Adam was talking about it now and willingly bringing up the topic, that meant…

He tries to squash done the hope rising on his chest, reminding himself that if he was wrong, it would hurt once again. With a shaky voice that betrayed his emotions, he replied, “Do you remember that we both didn’t think it was stupid?”

“Yes.”

Gansey pulled back to observe Adam’s face, gauging the truthfulness of the moment. There was a small smile on his face, soft and fond and Gansey loved it. He wanted to know how he could keep Adam smiling like that.

“So if we do this…”

“Yes.”

“But you’re still with Blue.”

“No. No I’m not.”

“Really?”

“We haven’t been together since after we got back from your mother’s party.”

“Why haven’t you said anything?”

“I was thinking. After we got back, Blue said something that made me realize things.”

Feeling giddy, Gansey smiled amusedly and pulled his hand from Adam to cup his cheek. He rested their foreheads together and asked, “Realize what?”

Adam turned his head to press a kiss on his palm. “That given a choice, I would never go someplace without you.”

“You say the most wondrous words Adam Parrish,” Gansey said before leaning in.

Their previous kiss had lived in Gansey’s mind.  He had played it over and over again, holding on to it throughout all the events of the past year. That kiss had survived through every argument they’d had. That kiss held him grounded during the pain and ache of betrayal over Adam’s deal with Cabeswater.

He had spent so many hours imagining how it would be when ( _when_ , not _if,_ because in his mind, they were inevitable) they kissed again. He had wondered how it would feel, how it would happen. If it would feel different than their previous one.

And it is. It’s better. And nothing like he had imagined.

Their previous kiss was all passion and held back emotion. Heat and want and roaming hands. This one is a lot softer and gentler than he expected. They kiss like they have all the time in the world to feel, to trace and memorize the curve of each other’s lips. Hands ghosting on each other’s skin, mapping out all the dips, the curves, the angles of each other’s body. They barely pull back from each other, lingering. Lips dragging over lips. Gansey feels Adam’s hand reach up and cradle his head, fingers applying soft pressure at the base of his skull, the sensation making him shudder. He feels Adam grin at his reaction. Feels him use his thumb to tip Gansey’s head back, biting at his lip and kissing him deeper.

He pushes all other thoughts away and concentrates on the feel of his mouth and the heat of Adam’s hands on his body, like slow fire under skin. Adam smells like sunlight and grass and the feel of having him this close is enough to drive him mad. The kiss turns open-mouthed and dirty. Every heated kiss and touch, settles into his gut and spreads through his body. He’s not even thinking anymore; all his brain function have turned into _want_.

He doesn’t notice how it happened, but when he comes to, Gansey finds himself flat on his back, lying in bed. Not that it matters. Not when Adam is leaning over him with dark eyes and flushed cheeks, breathing shallowly. Not when he can reach up to hold him in place as he kisses his way down Adam’s neck. He sounds wrecked, moaning out curses and his name. He feels Adam melt into him as he nips at the base of his throat, sucking and biting at where he can feel the pulse thrumming against his lips.

Adam’s hand tugs him back to another kiss, this time hard and hungry, their tongues tangling together. Gansey pulls him close, hand sliding to the small of his back and pressing them together chest to waist. He parts his thighs to let Adam lie between them and moans as he feels how hot and hard he is. It feels exhilarating to have Adam like this. He wants to touch every part of him, wants to hear him moan and gasp, wants to see him coming apart. His hand slips lower, cupping Adam’s ass and thrusting instinctively against him.

Adam pulls away with a gasp of is possibly his name slipping strangled from his lips. He shivers and leans down again, hand slipping under Gansey’s shirt and tracing patterns on his stomach. “Adam… Adam. Oh god,” he groans out as Adam’s thumbs at his nipple. “Off,” he whispers. “Shirts off. Now.”

He shifts and rolls them over so Gansey’s the one on top. “Anything you want,” Adam breathes out as he peels his shirt off and throws it somewhere without a thought. Gansey takes off his shirt and throws it somewhere as well. They lean back to appreciate the way each other looks, gazes hungry and searching. He reaches out and presses his fingers on Adam’s back, feels the way his muscles shift, the strength that lies within them. Adam goes back to thumbing at his nipple. And god, it feels so good. Electric. Fuck. Adam’s hand moves lower, down his stomach, his navel, to the front of his pants. He feels Adam palm over the outline of his erection, and a sound that may not even be human rips out his throat. He gasps and hitches his hip forwards, hands clutching at Adam’s neck, dragging him to an open-mouthed and needy kiss, enjoying the way Adam’s body shivers in response.

Adam pulls back his hand and Gansey moves, rocking against him. They continue kissing and moving against each other, sensations he had never before felt racing through him. Fingertips trace fire on every place they touch, the both of them drowning under the heat of it.

He can feel his body grow tighter in anticipation, his movement’s starting to lose rhythm, as the tension builds and grows inside him. He bites back a curse as he cries out, white-hot rush of pleasure lighting his body on fire. He hears Adam moaning below, while tremors continue to move through him.

He breathes slowly, hips still moving involuntarily. Adam, warm and pliant, is still ghosting his lips over his lips, his cheeks, hiss ear. He draws a shaky hand to Gansey’s air and pets at it, fingers slipping through sweaty hair. They stay like that for a while before Gansey dares to speak again. “That was…”

“Amazing.” Adam finishes for him, the most stunning, serene smile on his beautifully reddened lips.

***

They must have fallen asleep after cleaning themselves up, because when Gansey comes to, it’s to the sound of the door banging open, heavy boots thumping on the floor. It has turned dark outside, and with the little light that filters through the windows he can see Adam sleeping, curled up beside him. His breathing is soft and even, face peaceful in a way he’s been seeing less and less. He smiles at the view and reaches out to trace the shape of Adam’s lips with his finger. Adam doesn’t wake, just sighs and moves closer to him.

“Damn, Gansey. Get a proper room.” He startles and the sound of Ronan’s voice and Noah giggling beside him. He realizes belatedly that they’re still shirtless, and searches frantically for a blanket to tug over him and Adam who’s still sleeping.

“This is MY room, Ronan,” he replies in a way that he hopes sounds dignified but the raised eyebrow and smug grin on Ronan’s face tells him it probably didn’t.

“Well, at least get a curtain or something.”

“Noted. Can you go to your room now?”

Ronan just rolls his eyes at him. “Yes, Mom.” He turns  to Noah. “C’mon, Ghost Boy. Let’s see if it will still work on a closed space.” Noah winks at Gansey, before following Ronan into his room.

“Please don’t destroy Monmouth!” he shouts after them. He hears a muffled “We’ll try!” through the closed door.

He feels a tug at his shoulder and looks down to see Adam bleary eyed. “You know, you really should get a proper room.” Adam leans up to kiss his neck. “With doors.” Kisses the shell of his ear. “So we can do this more.”

He starts planning in his head on how to get walls built around his bed… area. Adam kisses him on the lips. He stops thinking.


End file.
